Ready for Spring

You may have noticed a huge gap in postings.

The last few months have been very full. The end of 2010 brought 85 work weeks at my job outside of CGC, which left little time for my little quilt and fabric shop.

The holidays were very sad, as my step-father lost his battle with Cancer and my father-in-law lost his battle with MS. My son had Scarlett Fever in January and was very sick during that time. February brought a fourth ear surgery, tonsillectomy, and adnoidectomy for my son as well. He is recovering slowly, but he will be fine.

We are sad at the loss of two very important people in our lives. But, our fathers wanted us to lives our lives to the fullest and enjoy our dreams.

So, we are clearing the clutter of our lives and refocusing our efforts. Spring cleaning and clearance pricing at CGC is underway, making room for new and fresh inventory and new creations that we hope will bring much joy to their recipients.

We will be listing several awesome new patterns from ModKid Boutique, Amy Butler, and many other favorite designers.

We are looking forward to several beautiful fabric shipments at the end of Spring as well.

Everyday is a new opportunity to create and inspire. Handmade gifts are an awesome way to give a true piece of yourself to someone you love.

What will YOU create this year?

Big Girl Panties

Tonight, I am sitting here at almost midnight with a horrible migraine. I am on the front porch watching the rain make puddles outside. I have been browsing other crafty ladies' blogs looking for the inspiration I need to get back into my sewing room.

I started to ponder what the last two years of my life have been like.

The moment became very emotional.

A little over two years ago, my husband and our little family moved to his new duty station in Corpus Christi, Texas. It was the hardest thing I had to do (at that point) in my life. We left a home that had become everything I ever wanted from life in Appomattox, Virginia.

It was the home our son was born in. It was the community I finally felt accepted in. We left neighbors who have become some of my best friends. It was the place I felt God made just for me.

This was not the first move we have had due to his career. It was not the first move I experienced in my life. I am very used to moving around. My father was in the Air Force and we moved a few times before I was 7. Then at 7, my parents divorced. I always thought I handled it well. But, as I get older, I realize that I did not handle it very well at all.

Our home in Appomattox seemed to fill places in my life that had no connection. It was just what I needed.

When we first came to Texas, it felt like another dream fulfilled. But, it has not been at all what I hoped. All my life, I thought the answer to life's problems would be to move to Texas. My father has been here for many years. I always loved to visit. It was so different from Las Vegas.

Living here would be the first time in over five years that my husband and I actually LIVED together 24 hours a day. Previously, his career with the Coast Guard has kept him gone more than I thought he would be. Our home was more like an overpriced hotel for my husband. We found that we had to get to know each other all over again. During the years that he came back and forth from the sea, we lived many parts of life without him. We learned how to function just our son, the dog, and myself. We did fine. But, it wasn't the same without Chris.

We spent the first year of our time in Texas fighting alot. We were under alot of stress financially. We had been unable to sell out home in Virginia and ended up renting it out for only a portion of what the mortgage cost. This was eating up alot of our money. There was constant worry something bad would happen to the house that we couldn't afford to fix. There was constant worry our renters may not pay their rent. There was a feeling that we couldn't move on. But, part of me deep down didn't want to move on. I wanted to go back to Virginia. With our friends. Where I first met my husband. We had so many happy memories there. I prayed our house would NOT sell. While my husband prayed it WOULD sell.

But, I knew in the end, it had to happen.

Finally we started to settle in to our home in Portland, Texas. It is a smaller town compared to Corpus. It is as close to the type of town we lived in when we in Virginia as we can get for now. There are hundreds of acres of farm lands. Everything we need is close by. There are great things to do with the family. Our apartment is not as big as our house was, but it really is nice. We have been blessed with great neighbors who are now close friends. We started weekly marriage counseling. We found a great church. Things were slowly getting better. More comfortable. Chris found a second job that would allow us to the opportunity to get out of debt without having to send me back to work, putting out son in day care.

Then came a phone call in April of 2009 that caused my entire life to explode. My step father, the man who pretty much raised me as if I was his own and had devoted 20 hours a day for almost 20 years to his wife and kids, was diagnosed with stage four esophogeal cancer. He had been given only months to live and was not expected to live through October.

In that moment, nothing mattered. I was not a wife. I was not a mom. I was not a small business owner. I was just a little girl. With a sick Dad.

This was hard for my husband to comprehend. He was never close to his father and has never really experienced having a loved one sick or dying. I couldn't explain this to my son. He just barely turned three.

Within two weeks, I was in Las Vegas with our son, trying the best I could to help my mother and Papa somehow. He needed treatment. The only place that could help him was in Houston, Texas. My sister was getting ready to graduate with her masters. My three younger brothers are still minors living at home. Mom was a home school mom, who hadn't worked outside of the home in over 20 years. She had to drop everything to care for our Dad and her husband.

I spent a month in Vegas. I don't feel I was much help. I tried. I knew they needed help cleaning the house, keeping the yard up, feeding the kiddos. But, emotionally, I was a mess. I didn't know what to do from one minute to the next.

Meanwhile, my husband and I were having our own issues, long distance. He felt my job was at home. I felt, at that moment, my parents needed me more than he did.

I never felt more torn in my life.

I returned home in June. I was not myself. I was unable to focus on anything. I didn't care about my business. It has pretty much gone from bustling to a stand still since that time. I have only made one quilt in the last year, where previously, I made at least one a month. I felt as if I was losing my mind and no one could understand.

Usually, I call my mom when things are hard. But, this time...I couldn't call her. She was having her own difficulties getting through each day. It felt selfish to be so upset. This is HER husband. He is ALL she has (in her opinion). I have my husband, my son, and my brothers and sister.

The stress between Chris and I was growing worse by the day. Eventually, I left Chris in July of 2009, after he lost his temper one day and started taking his frustrations out on our son.

I didn't want to leave him. I knew we, as a family, needed help to learn how to deal with all of the stresses in our life. But, I can't make someone get help who doesn't think he needs it.

July to October, I lived with my father and stepmother in Texas. I was able to get a part time job working evenings and I tried to figure out what the heck I was supposed to be doing with my life.

My Papa was receiving his chemo treatments and eventually had surgery to remove parts of his body that the cancer touched. This type of cancer can regrow in exactly the same spots if they are not removed.

I found out in August that my Papa's company, which had been struggling due to the sudden collapse of the building economy in Vegas was basically being sold off, employees and all, except for him. His position was not included, as his boss felt that he would not survive anyway.

This meant that my parents had no income and no health insurance to help my Papa fight this cancer.

This stressed me out incredibly, as I couldn't even stand on my own feet, let alone help my parents financially. I didn't even have a bed to offer if they needed a place to come to, should they lose their home. I prayed to God to show me what I was supposed to be doing. I wasn't getting any answers. Except one. And I didn't like it.

I kept feeling like I should forgive my husband. I should go home. I should be a wife. A BETTER wife. I was supposed to be a mom. A BETTER mom.

My own mom kept telling me I had to put on my big girl panties. No one was going to save me from my problems. No one could tell me what the right thing to do was. She supported whatever decision I made. I just had to make one. My father and stepmother, we not as forgiving. Dad didn't want me to go home. He felt I could do better. But, deep down, I knew and still know, my husband is a great man. I couldn't do better than him, because he is the best. He is not perfect. But, when I took a long look at myself, I really wasn't so great either. I had become a spoiled brat.

I had been unable to get my husband to communicate with me except through a rotten attorney who really only cared about the money (too bad she doesn't get that neither of us really have ANY). One day, he called to speak to my son. I happened to be off work that day. I answered. Our son was sleeping. I told him that he would call when he got up from his nap. This day, my husband didn't hang up immediately. He hesistated. I asked him if we could talk. We talked for several hours. And by the end, we were both crying. We both knew, life wouldn't be the same without each other. It would not be the best life for our son, if we divorced. We didn't want that. We wanted him to have both of his parents. Functioning as happy, healthy, loving adults.

It took several weeks of long, emotional, and honest conversations about all the wrong we had both done to each other over the years of our marriage. We came up with some give and take solutions to work out our issues.

Finally on Halloween night, after a long, tiring shift at work, I drove an hour back to my Dad's packed EVERYTHING, and drove four hours home.

It has been almost a year since we returned home. It has not been easy at all. Some days, it seemed I made a horrible decision. But, even with roadblocks, we have made it through a very rocky period.

My little fabric shop is still open, but lacking the attention it needs. My house has not returned to normal. I took over Chris' night job. It is the first job I have had in over 7 years. Returning to the workforce after becoming a mom is very different than when I was single. I have had to admit that I cannot do it ALL. I cannot work full time and be an effective mom and a good wife to my husband. I initially was working Chris' schedule and quickly started earning more hours. Eventually I was promoted to General Manager and suddenly the entire store and all the employees were my responsibility.

One evening, after returning home from a very long day at work, I put my son to bed. He seemed to be doing well with his day care. He made a lot of friends and was learning alot. But, that evening, he broke down in tears. He told me the most heartbreaking thing. "Mommy, you don't love me anymore. I never see you. I don't have anyone to love me. You love your work more than me."

I was not expecting that from him. He is four now. He always seemed to take everything in stride. He never seemed to miss me that much. I felt awful for not recognizing his feelings earlier.

I could not sleep for a few nights after that. Every morning, when I dropped him off at school, I felt guilty.

I started looking at the benefits of the job of was working versus the benefits of working less and being a mom again. I realized I used to make more working only 20 hours a week in the evenings and then my son would never have to be in day care.

I quickly stepped down from my position. I know this was not convenient for my employer. It was really an awful position to put him and my co-workers in. But, ultimately, I knew it was the best decision for my family.

It has only been a few weeks. I am still readjusting. I am still trying to get the house back to the way it ran over a year ago. But, I am doing it.

I have often wondered why I have not had any energy the last few months. I cannot seem to get my rhythm back as it was this time last year. But, tonight, after really thinking about everything we have been through, it is no wonder I am tired. I keep fighting God's will.

I am at peace with the choices I have made. I know many people will never understand what is going on in my head. But, I had to finally put on my big girl panties and deal with my life.

Instead of letting is deal with me.

I have not dropped off the Earth. I will get the store back up and running. But, it will not come before my family. I will still work outside the home, but it will only be enough to pay down our debt (which won't be much longer at this point). I will be the wife my husband deserves and the mom my kid wants.

My Papa is still fighting cancer. But, I realize now that there is nothing I can do to change his fate. He knows I love him. I appreciate everything he ever did for me. He taught me alot about sacrifice and love. But, I have accepted that this is God's time now. I have to let him work.

God has saved me. He has brought me through the darkest moments in my life. He has blessed me with such an awesome life.

I thank him for providing me with my Big Girl Panties. They fit better everytime I put them on.

A story about friendship and self confidence

If you are looking for a new story to read to the kiddos at night that talks about believing in yourself, you have to check out "Little Bird" by Layne Johnson.


We all go through times in our lives where we doubt ourselves and our abilities. It is hard not to feel self conscious in such a competitive world. This book tells the story of a little bird who has lost his confidence. With the help of a special friend, he finds "his song" again.

You can preview the entire book online at the following link: http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/invited/665766/3ddfd723abcf147caf5d386dfee8d574

It is available in soft or hard cover.Layne and his wife have been married for over twenty years. They have five children and one grandson. Though he has spent his entire life as a woodworker and cabinetmaker, he is most experienced at dispensing his fatherly advice and wisdom through storytelling.

The story is brought to life by illustrator Gail Riggs. A talented artist, Gail has been a wife, mother, and grandmother for more than 30 years. She enjoys painting and spending time with her husband and their dogs at their home in Oregon.

Many stories and adventures have been shared between both families through their friendship that has spanned more than two decades.

If you are interested in signed copies, email me at CutterGurlCreations@yahoo.com

Saw something similar on SoCo in Austin

So today we took the kiddos out for a little trip to Austin. I haven't been there in a few years and decided to see what was happening. We ended up at a little shop on South Congress.

This shop (forgot the name) was amazing. It was right by the St. Vincent thrift store and some costume shop.

It has all kinds of treasure that were made from recycles newpapers, magazines, feed bags, soda cans, and more.

It made me want to run home and rummage through our recycle bins and see what I could make. But, I forgot we took the recycle to the recycle center yesterday.

Oh well. So I will have to add it to my "to try" list when we get enough cans and papers to mess around with.

Here is a link to something similar. The above picture is from this site.

http://indiepublic.ning.com/library/topics/946391:Topic:59641

Hope you are all doing well. Our Folklorica fabric was ordered last month. It should be arriving sometime in the next week or so.

Be sure to check out the shipping prices on our sewing patterns. What is better than FREE shipping!

Happy crafting!

New Fabric Coming Soon

We are eagerly waiting for the arrival of our newest fabric line. We placed our order for Folklorica from In the Beginning fabrics.

This is a beautiful line that will make a wonderful addition to any quilters stash of fabrics. The bright bold colors will look great in any quilt or home decor project.

CutterGurl Creations can also be found on FaceBook! We have created a fan page for our customers to see pictures of all of our patterns, threads, and fabrics. We hope you will drop by and become a fan. Join in the conversations about the latest trends in sewing, quilting, or whatever other topics interest you!

Check out latest collection of fabric bundles where you can buy your fabric at a discounted price.

We still offer custom orders. If you are interested in purchasing a sewing pattern and need to know how much fabric to buy, let us know and we can help you find the right amount for your project.

Custom orders save you money! We do not charge a per item fee for custom orders and shipping is always combined.

Until later,
Happy Sewing!

Independence Day

Happy Thursday Everyone!

So, it has been quite some time since I have updated this blog. I am sure everyone thought I dropped off the face of the planet.

I spent the entire month of May in Las Vegas trying to help my mom run the house while she takes care of my dad during his cancer treatments. It has been extremely emotional seeing my dad go through this.

There is nothing that cancer does not touch. It seems to have quickly dominated every aspect of all of our lives.

Dad seems to be doing pretty well so far. The doctors have said the chemo appears to be working. He is very tired from the treatments, but his body is fighting hard to beat this and I have complete faith that he can and will recover.

Tomorrow, Mom and Dad will travel from Las Vegas to Houston for a two month trip. During that time, Dad will receive chemo and radiation almost everyday. Soon, they will do more scans to let us know how effective the treatments have been.

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This week we will celebrate Independence Day! Take a moment to thank a soldier for everything they do for our country.
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As far as CutterGurl Creations, new inventory is being added this week!

We are happy to have Aurifil thread. It has arrived straight from Italy. Currently, we stock four basic colors: Black, beige, white, and gray/silver. However, we can order any color combination you need.

Also, there are going to be six great new sewing patterns arriving directly from Amy Butler by the end of the week.

We will be carrying:

The Field Bag and Tote

Mini Dress, Tunic, & Tops

Sun Surf Halter

Cabo Halter

Domestic Goddess Aprons (my favorite)

Birdie Sling (Bag)

I know you will love these patterns as much as I do!

Also, for the month of July, all of my customers who place an order will be entered into our drawing for one yard of Robert Kaufman's Hot Blossom Paisley Fabric!

Remember that I would be happy to create a custom order for you! I offer any variation of cuts and yardage and all fabric is cut to order straight from the bolt.

Thank you all for the support and prayers that you have given our family during this time. You are all wonderful and we appreciate you!

Until next time, HAPPY SEWING SEWING!

Leaving Las Vegas

Good Afternoon Everyone...

I have been meaning to update you all on what has been happening lately, but just couldn't bring myself to do it.  I don't really know what is going on and so I have felt without much information to blog about, it would be pointless.

My father and mother went to Houston for about one week.  While they were there, they met with my Dad's treatment team.  They have some of the best doctors in the world.  I know that if anyone can help my dad get better, they can.  

At first, the news was not good.  The cancer is already in stage four, which is the final stage.  He was given only months to live.  It is in one part of the esophagaus and three lymph nodes.  When the met with their doctors in Houston, they were much more optimistic than the doctors in Las Vegas.  But, near the end of the week, one of the doctors told my parents that the tumor in the one lymph node is too large to operate on.  

This news totally crushed all of us.  Without the surgery, Dad has very limited time.  

Mom would not accept this news and spoke with the surgeon who said that she WOULD be able to operate.  

Dad had his first chemo treatment about a week and a half ago.  It is already showing it's effects, but he seems to be taking it better than expected.  They came home and he has already been back at work.  His second chemo treatment will be this Friday.  So far, it seems to make him very tired.  

I have come to realize that I cannot do anything to help my family right now, so I must return home to Texas to be with my husband.  He has been patiently waiting for my arrival for almost a month now.

I am so grateful for everyones thoughts and prayers.  I know they are working.  God does hear them.  I can honestly say that, because even though I could have a better relationship with him, he still blesses my life everyday.

As far as my little fabric shop, CutterGurl Creations is still going strong.  I am grateful to have the ability to bring my business with me everywhere I travel, when needed.  My customers are some of my biggest supporters and best friends during this time in my life.  Thank you!

I will be adding some new sewing patterns from Anna Maria at the end of the summer.  I have also started carrying Aurifil thread.  This is some of the most wonderful thread and it comes straight from Italy!

If you do place an order today through Sunday, please be patient as there may be a shipping delay while I travel home.  

I will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers as well.  Thank you for the love and support.   

Until next time, HAPPY SEWING!